When I left in September I left an amazing community in Oregon. All my friends stayed in Oregon, so leaving was really hard because I knew I would be the only one missing everything. I have also realized that after doing almost 9 months of 8 hour time difference talking to my friends and family, it gets really hard. It is exhausting trying to organize and plan when you are going to talk to everyone because everyone has their busy lives, myself included.
It is tough to get a time that works every few weeks and when you are trying to do that with lots of different friends it gets exhausting after 9 months. So the worrying feelings of growing apart, and missing out, along with the exhaustion that comes with trying to talk to everyone eventually causes me just want to distract myself rather than dealing with all the sadness and emotions. I knew I was moving far away, and I knew that the distance would be difficult, but I never imagined it would be this difficult and that it would cause me to pull away and become more introverted. As my friends know, I am an extreme extrovert, but over the course of this year I have found myself wanting to be alone more and needing that alone time to recharge, think, and process.
It has become more difficult as we get to the end also, because for me, I will have another year of this struggle. I have made the exciting decision to stay in Glasgow next year and do a one year masters program at the University of Glasgow. I will be getting a MSc in International Business and Entrepreneurship, so although my YAV year in Scotland is ending, I am excited to begin the next adventure. But along with that excitement comes anxiety for these relationships that mean so much to me back at home. I will only be able to be home in California for 3 weeks in the summer visiting family and renewing my visa before I will start school. Parts of me worry that my friendships will change. Another part of me worries because this YAV year has been a life changing year. I can visibly see how I have grown, matured, and changed and sometimes it scares me.
We received a poem called "Passover Remembered" at the beginning of the year that talked about how we might change. It read:
"Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time. Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you. Some will find new friendships and unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful and true as the pillar of God's flame."
More an more this poem has spoken to me. I am not sure how people at home will see my differences, if there will still be such easy connections, or if they will have to "relearn my features" so to speak. What I do know is that the distance has been difficult, but it has also been a test of true friendship. I know my friends still care about me and I appreciate them so much. Even though we don't talk as often as we use to, due to the time change and busy schedules, I still love them and miss them just as much. So thank you, friends, for being patient and loving and understanding as I go through this transition process. If we can make it through these times in our lives, we can make it through anything!
Blessings,
Julie
Moraga, California to Glasgow, Scotland- 5,007 Miles
Eugene, Oregon to Glasgow, Scotland- 4,668 Miles
No comments:
Post a Comment