It's Been a While

As those of you who read my blog regularly noticed, I haven't written in a while. If I am being honest this year has started out much differently than I thought it would and I wanted to write sooner, but couldn't find the words.

My transition from YAV to University of Glasgow masters student was a huge transition. Probably the hardest transition I have had in my 24 years, or at least that I remember. I thought moving to a new country 5,000 miles away from home last year would be the biggest transition, or maybe moving away from home at 18 to start University. But boy was I wrong. This year definitely is the winner. I didn't realise how difficult going home and seeing family and friends and all the familiar things would make it so difficult to come back to a place that I also hold very close to my heart. I think this transition was made more difficult with the realisation that my other YAVs were not with me anymore and that I wouldn't be doing the same work each day.

I know I signed up to go back to school, but after being out for a year and being so active: constantly running around with kids, crawling on the floor, and talking to people all day long; I forgot what it was like to sit in a classroom and listen to a lecturer for 5 hours a day, every day. It is exhausting! More exhausting than crawling around on the floor with toddlers if you can believe that. And so I freaked out. I worried that I made the wrong decision to stay here. I worried that this year would be a waste and I wished every day for many weeks that I could quit and go home.

And throughout this I was trying to process my feelings of my YAV year. I was grieving the previous year and all that I had learned. I missed my placement, I missed my roommates, I missed my schedule. I missed feeling useful and helping people every day. But by struggling through the transition I got to see which people were there for me on the phone listening to me cry, which people noticed that I wasn't myself and asked what was wrong, and which people gave me advice and encouraged me to be in the present and learn all that I can from being a student again.

I say thank you to all those people. Although every week has its ups and downs, in the end I am glad I stayed because I have learned so much about myself and what I want from my future in just these short three months. I have learned that I will definitely not be doing a PhD because classroom learning is not my style. I am a learn on the job, through hands-on experience, making mistakes kind of girl. But I never would have learned this had I not gone back to school. So I am thankful the programme is only a year long.

I have learned to rely on the communities of people that I do have here, and to force myself to make new friends even when it is more comfortable to stay home in my pyjamas. If I had stayed home I wouldn't have made as close friendships with my new international friends. My closest friends here at University are from India, Germany, Switzerland, China, and Taiwan. I have learned so much about all of their cultures, shared meals, and learned new words in different languages.

I have also learned that my faith has changed. The YAV programme allowed me to question my faith denomination, to explore a new denomination, and to actively live a faith filled life in community. It led me to be less judgemental both on myself and others and showed me that I believe in a God that loves everyone no matter who they are. We do not need labels, we just need to believe in the gospel which was Love God and Love Others. It was a simple message but with humans nothing is simple and so we complicated it and we built walls and made labels and rules and different denominations for a faith that all believe in one God. And we started hurting one another. So this past year I have learned that we could all use a little more love and kindness and the God I believe in is built on that.

The aspect of my current life that I have felt I have learned the most about is my future ambitions. I decided to do a Masters in International Business and Entrepreneurship because my dream is to open my own social enterprise and I wanted to stay in Glasgow and continue the work I was doing. The last three months I have had the pleasure of continuing my work with theGKexperience, a charity that works with vulnerable youth in Glasgow, alongside my studying. I have been voluntarily filling in for the administrator while she has been on maternity leave since May and have been given so many opportunities to learn from Alex and John, two of the staff members, about youth work, the every day workings of a charity, and the strategic decisions you have to think about as an organisation that is 5 years old and still having growing pains. It has been the best non-internship I could have asked for and has sparked more of an interest in youth work and continued to shape my interest in social enterprises and non-profits. I am so excited for the rest of the year and what is to come from my adventure with theGKexperience. I hope to connect my passion for serving others with sustainable business practices and am trying to think of what type of social enterprise I can start once my time here has ended.

I am so thankful to my friends and family for always supporting me, even in the tough times. And I am so very thankful to the YAV programme and all my other YAVs around the world for its continued support even after our year has finished. So sorry the post was so long but I finally found the words to share with you about my continued Scottish adventure. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday Season!

Blessings,
Julie

Appreciating the Place you Call Home

I have now been back in the United States, and in my home state of California for a little under 2 weeks. There is nothing like the familiarity of home: the windy road you drive up to get to your house, the way your home Safeway feels when you walk inside and know exactly where the milk is, and how perfect the weather is in your home town, hot and sunny during the day and then it cools off in the evening. You forget how much you miss home, when you have been gone for so long and it is only when you come back that you get to appreciate the beauty of the place you call home.

I loved my time in Scotland and that is a big reason of why I am going back, but I know leaving California again, and my family and friends for another year will be very difficult. I was talking to my Aunt Karen who lives in Minnesota and was visiting for the weekend and we were talking about how, for her, leaving California every time she visits is really difficult. She is sad every time no matter how many times in her life she has done it. But she says once she gets back to Minnesota and into her routine, she gets used to it and remembers why she loves Minnesota and her life and friends there. I think when you spend enough time in a place, just like with people, a little piece of your heart stays with it. I think that is why we are drawn back to people or places that mean something to us. And while reflecting back on my year, I can say a big part of my heart has been left in Glasgow.

I am currently reading a book called Being Human by Steve Chalke, and I would recommend it to everyone. It is about how to become the person you were meant to be and it was given to me by my site coordinator Lynn as a leaving present. It has been an extremely interesting book to read and many things have caused me to think about my life and my decisions and how I can apply what Steve says into my own life.

But one part that really stuck out to me as I was reading and reflecting on being home and my past year was a part about giving things away. Steve says, "Jesus taught us to behave as if nothing we give away could ever make us poorer, because we can never run out of what we give. Rather than trying to grip your life with tight, anxious hands, unclench that fist. Open your hand. Don't plot and scheme about tomorrow. Live with reckless generosity. Serve others. Give up the best seat. If you try to keep what you have, you'll lose even that. Give it away, and you'll get back more than you bargain for. Give it away, and you'll get back more than you ever dreamt you could get."

I believe this whole heartedly. The YAV program encouraged us to live simply and this allowed me to free myself of wanting or thinking I needed possessions, and material things, and the next cool gadget. My YAV year allowed me to give everything away, even parts of my heart, and it opened up this river inside of me that I hope is there forever. Constantly giving of myself, my talents, my feelings, my love, and constantly receiving more than I could ever dream of. I hope that in my future the people I work with continue to be touched by the love God has given me to give to others.

The book also talks about what success is and it says "that the ingredients to an organization becoming great is that it is led by someone who has the skill to blend extreme personal humility with intense professional will." I would like to believe that day by day I am growing into a person with extreme personal humility and that through my masters program starting in September, and more life experience and passion, I can gain an intense professional will and become the person I am meant to be.

Blessings,
Julie

See Yous Later...

When I was thinking about what I was going to say in this blog it was a real struggle for me. This year I have grown more and learned more than I ever thought possible. I came to Scotland with no expectations. The only things I knew was that I would be working in the Gorbals, which according to rumors and the internet was a very dangerous place and had been trying to rebuild itself for 20 years, that I would be living with 4 other girls I had only met once, and that I was living 5,000 miles from my friends and family. My mom was a little worried that I would be moving to the stabbing capital of Europe working in an area like the Gorbals but I was just full of excitement for what my year would look like and of the relationships I would build and the people I would get to call my community.

But let me tell you, I couldn’t have imagined a better placement in this church and a better community for my year. I got to sit with people from all different backgrounds and hear their struggles, their joys, and just got to know them. I met many asylum seekers and refugees through Bridging the Gap that I got along with better because neither of us could understand the Scottish accent. I learned patience with toddlers, I mastered my crafting skills coming up with more craft ideas than I knew was possible, and I got to try many different types of food at the drop in.

I was pushed out of my comfort zone in the café when I saw people come in that have been affected by drugs and wouldn’t even remember coming in the next day. I learned how to be there for people without judging them. I learned how to show Christian love rather than talking about it. I was able to be a member of the community, and take part in all sorts of activities and fairs. People were always confused as to which organization I was actually a part of because I was everywhere.

I learned that life isn’t easy, that each person is unique and has their own daily struggles, whether it is addiction, confidence, mental illness, feeling like an outsider, language difficulties, loneliness, depression, and many more. And the greatest thing I learned this year was that everyone just wants to be loved. Every person deserves a chance to be loved and valued and I got to spend an entire year doing just that.

I built friendships that look more like family. I cannot be more grateful to one of my flatmates in particular, Sam, who without, I might not have survived or thrived this year. I also made friends with Scottish natives who became great friends. They taught me the local slang and shared their families with me. One family in particular has been the MacDonalds. I spent most Sunday evenings having dinner with them and spent many nights at their house in a room I joke is mine now. They brought me into their family for holidays and family events which I cannot be more thankful for. Thank you for being my second family and making me feel like another daughter.  

This year I was also challenged in my faith. I came into a Presbyterian program as a Catholic and lived in a city filled with sectarianism. I was pushed out of my comfort zone going to a Presbyterian service each week but ended up growing into it and loving the services and the differences between a Catholic mass and the services at Gorbals. I learned to question my faith and struggle through who I am and who I want to be. I grew more independent and learned more about how I want to impact the world after serving my YAV year.

And because I love this city and everyone I have met so much I have decided to stay another year and do a masters program at Glasgow Uni in International Business and Entrepreneurship. Throughout this year I have worked with different community projects that work with amazing people. It has increased my passion to work with the same communities of people in my future and I want to be able to help those people in a profitable enterprise. I hope to take all that I have learned and carry it with me in my future here in Glasgow next year and when I return to the United States. I am so grateful for my time here, all the people I have interacted with, and I am really going to miss everyone. 

I am so grateful for everyone that has read this blog the last year. Your support has been more important than you can imagine and I hope you continue reading. I plan to continue my blogging next year while studying. Thank you to my amazing support system at home of family and friends who listened to my complaints, frustrations, and joys. I couldn't have done any of this without you all. A common phrase I heard all year was see yous later. So to all those in Glasgow, I will see yous later and to all those at home, can't wait to see you all soon!

Blessings,
Julie

Ode to Bridging The Gap

I have wanted to write a blog about this most amazing organisation all year long and have many pictures to put up with it. So I thought it would be fitting to write it today considering today was the last BIG Thursday drop in session and my first goodbye of this year.

I know I must have said this a thousand times but I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. It is almost the summer holidays which means that a lot of the programs put on by the different organisations I work with are coming to an end. Over the last 9 1/2 months I have worked with Bridging the Gap for most of each week. I have had the pleasure of being involved in their Baby and Toddler groups, their weekly BIG Thursday drop in, a little bit of the High Rise Bakers, and the school transitions, along with other one off events.

I cannot explain in words how grateful I am to this organisation and all the people who work and volunteer for it. The staff is extraordinary, they care about each and every person, make everyone feel welcome, and have the best humor. I remember on my first day, Tricia, the director was telling me about the project and introducing me to everyone and made me close my eyes and told me we were going to pray. She then made me get on the floor and hold an apple and pray with the apple. The rest of the office also got on the floor but they were all in on the joke. As I was about to say something foolish, meanwhile thinking "this is kind of weird," Tricia started laughing and told me it was a joke. For my first day, it was a great start to the year and since then there have been many more jokes that luckily I have known about previously.

I have loved my time getting to know all the kids and parents at the two toddler groups, and being on the kids team at the drop in. It is amazing how much a 1 year-old grows in just a year when you see them 3 times a week. I have loved seeing them learn to share, start to speak, walk, and become independent from their moms, dads, or carers. I have specifically liked hearing a few of the toddlers, specifically conor and zara learn to say my name, and finally after many months trust me and play with me. It gives me so much joy and they brighten my days every week.

For those of you who knew me before I started you knew that I hated crafting. I am not creative when it comes to artwork like drawing and painting and most crafty activities stress me out, so I had it coming when I found out that at all our groups we do lots of crafts and on the Thursday group I had to organize and help think of the ideas. But this year was about growing and being comfortable in the uncomfortable and I can truly say that after all this time, I had started to enjoy crafting. I have done some great activities with the kids, including rice art, ziplock bag painting, snow globe making, and lots of crazy scientist experiments. I have also learned that 2 year-olds are amused by the simplest things, you can give them shredded paper and they will laugh that hearty innocent contagious laugh that causes you to start laughing and not stop.

I have also loved getting to know all the volunteers and community members of the Gorbals through Bridging the Gap. Due to my involvement in multiple projects throughout the Gorbals I end up being at lots of different events. And the best compliment I could have gotten was from a woman who I normally see on a Tuesday who said"who actually employs you, because I see you everywhere." I was touched, because my aim of this year was to build relationships in my community, to try and understand the lives of the Gorbals people, and to be with them, to love them, to support them, to laugh with them, and to learn with them. I think my time here has been all of that and more thanks to all the people I have spent time with.

Through all the struggles of being in a new city, with new friends, missing old friends Bridging the Gap was my happy place. If I was having a bad day or a bad week, I knew there was someone at Bridging the Gap that would listen or make me laugh, and cheer me up and I was excited each and every day to go to work.

So thank you, Bridging the Gap. This year would not have been the same without you, and it will never be the same going forward. Thank you for challenging me, for loving me, for making me shine,  for cooking me some of the best authentic food from different cultures, and for being a fantastic organisation that this community is lucky to have!

Blessings,
Julie

Here is the link to their website and Facebook page in case anyone wants to check it out. And here are lots of pictures of the many activities I participated in. Thanks to Magda for most of the pictures, she is the photographer for Bridging the Gap and caught some wonderful moments.

Website: http://www.bridging-the-gap.org/
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/btgglasgow

Playing with shredded paper

 Making a scarecrow

 Playing with slides and building blocks

 Snowmen!

 Singing time

 The day animal man came to visit

 Laughing because Viha was probably being the cutest dancer

 International Women's Day

 The coolest kids in town (pronounced toon)! Zara and Conor

 At our volunteer thank you dinner we got to enjoy delicious food, I tried Eritrean coffee, which has ginger in it, and we got certificates!

We also got to build a lego version of the BIG Thursday Drop in. It is extremely accurate. 

Here is the kitchen with the tea cups and in the second picture even the basket with the dirty dish towels and the baby gate

A bird's eye view of the kitchen and the adult area, with the ping pong table and the fruit lady, and Magda our photographer

There is me with the blue top and ponytail in the kids area. The blue and yellow legos are the mats and the slides, and there is animal man with a shark

Pictures from the Christmas Party, John and I in our Christmas sweaters. 

And finally, as I said, Magda capturing my truest joys of working with Bridging the Gap

The Trouble with Distance

As the year comes to an end (I have about 2 months left) my brain has started drifting towards going home. I know I have a busy and full 2 months left but with the final retreat and Emma, one of the YAVs in Northern Ireland, leaving it has got me thinking. Because we are so close to going home like I mentioned in my last post, my homesickness is getting stronger and happens more often. I realized today that the reason it is really hard to stay in contact with friends is because every time I talk to my friends I feel like I'm missing out, and I feel sadder after talking to them because I can't be there with them experiencing life.

When I left in September I left an amazing community in Oregon. All my friends stayed in Oregon, so leaving was really hard because I knew I would be the only one missing everything. I have also realized that after doing almost 9 months of 8 hour time difference talking to my friends and family, it gets really hard. It is exhausting trying to organize and plan when you are going to talk to everyone because everyone has their busy lives, myself included.

It is tough to get a time that works every few weeks and when you are trying to do that with lots of different friends it gets exhausting after 9 months. So the worrying feelings of growing apart, and missing out, along with the exhaustion that comes with trying to talk to everyone eventually causes me just want to distract myself rather than dealing with all the sadness and emotions. I knew I was moving far away, and I knew that the distance would be difficult, but I never imagined it would be this difficult and that it would cause me to pull away and become more introverted. As my friends know, I am an extreme extrovert, but over the course of this year I have found myself wanting to be alone more and needing that alone time to recharge, think, and process.

It has become more difficult as we get to the end also, because for me, I will have another year of this struggle. I have made the exciting decision to stay in Glasgow next year and do a one year masters program at the University of Glasgow. I will be getting a MSc in International Business and Entrepreneurship, so although my YAV year in Scotland is ending, I am excited to begin the next adventure. But along with that excitement comes anxiety for these relationships that mean so much to me back at home. I will only be able to be home in California for 3 weeks in the summer visiting family and renewing my visa before I will start school. Parts of me worry that my friendships will change. Another part of me worries because this YAV year has been a life changing year. I can visibly see how I have grown, matured, and changed and sometimes it scares me.

We received a poem called "Passover Remembered" at the beginning of the year that talked about how we might change. It read:

"Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time. Some of you will not change at all. 

Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you. Some will find new friendships and unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful and true as the pillar of God's flame."

More an more this poem has spoken to me. I am not sure how people at home will see my differences, if there will still be such easy connections, or if they will have to "relearn my features" so to speak. What I do know is that the distance has been difficult, but it has also been a test of true friendship. I know my friends still care about me and I appreciate them so much. Even though we don't talk as often as we use to, due to the time change and busy schedules, I still love them and miss them just as much. So thank you, friends, for being patient and loving and understanding as I go through this transition process. If we can make it through these times in our lives, we can make it through anything!

Blessings, 

Julie

Moraga, California to Glasgow, Scotland- 5,007 Miles

Eugene, Oregon to Glasgow, Scotland- 4,668 Miles

Homesickness Comes in Waves..

Homesickness comes when you most expect it, like when you live across the world from your family and friends and you are in a new place, or when you miss your favorite holidays. It can wash over you when you look at pictures, or listen to music, or watch a movie you used to watch with friends. It can come in the morning, the middle of the day, or right when you are going to bed. Everyone warned me that it would be difficult to be away from my loved ones but I never imagined how hard it would be to be so far away when illness and death comes your way and I never thought homesickness would come in the month of May, 3 months before returning home.

This week has been the most trying week emotionally. It has been filled with moments of triumph, joy, spirituality, sadness, hurt, and frustration, among many other emotions. This week my mom went into the hospital twice, one of my grandfathers fell and is on crutches, and my other grandfather passed away from Alzheimer's and Kidney Cancer. I can't even explain the feelings and thoughts running through my mind when I found out my mom was in the hospital. But the one clear thought was I wish I was there. I knew I couldn't do anything to help, and I knew nothing would be different if I was in California, but every ounce of me wanted to be with my family and know that my mom was ok. The same feelings and emotions came across me when I heard about my grandpa. I know he is in peace and he is watching over the family but every ounce of me wants to be home to be with my family at this hard time.

Luckily, I was in the best possible place to hear the worst possible news. This week I was on our final retreat for our program which took place on the tiny island of Iona. The small island is 4 miles long and about 1 mile wide but it is a beautiful island with sheep, cows, a 600meter hill, and beautiful beaches. It is a peaceful place home to the Iona Community, which is an ecumenical Christian community of men and women from different walks of life and different traditions in the Christian church committed to seeking new ways of living the gospel of Jesus in today's world. The Iona Community tries its best to fight for social justice issues as a part of a faith in action rather than just practicing a comfortable Sunday worship. The Iona community has a lot of aspects and practices that are very similar to the YAV program's ideals. On Wednesday evening we took part in a commitment service and this prayer that the Iona Community wrote really stuck out to me: 

Let us affirm our faith:

We believe that God is present

in the darkness before dawn

in the waiting and uncertainty

where fear and courage join hands

conflict and caring link arms

and the sun rises over barbed wire.

We believe in a with-us God

who sits down in our midst

to share our humanity.

We affirm a faith

that takes us beyond the safe place:

into action, into vulnerability

and into the streets.

We commit ourselves to work for change

and put ourselves on the line; 

to bear responsibility, take risks, 

live powerfully and face humiliation; 

to stand with those on the edge to choose life

and be used by the spirit

for Gods new community of hope.

Amen.

Throughout this week I was able to reflect on this past year; on all the growth, the accomplishments, and the things I have learned. I have also been able to think about the ways I want to continue to grow, the ways I can still contribute over the next 2 and a bit months, and my future passions and plans. I am so blessed to be in the YAV program, to have had this opportunity, and to have been able to go to Iona during this turbulent time. It gave me a space to think. The retreat allowed me to voice my homesickness to my other YAVs and to remind myself that we have all been there, that the homesickness has come at different times for all of us, but that we support each other through everything. 

I ask for prayers for my family during this time. I ask for prayers for my other YAV volunteers and the decisions we have ahead in the following months as we prepare to finish our volunteer year. 

Blessings, 

Julie

Here are some pictures from the retreat!

Incredible white sand beaches at one end of the island

Sam and I

Emma, one of the Belfast YAVs and I 

 Rockier, darker beaches on the other end of the island

 Amanda and Laura Kate looking out over the ocean

 Sam and I, again, waving to the paparazzi  

 Happened to get a picture at sunset, the cross is actually just some telephone wires

 Candles during the commitment service in the Iona Abbey

 Emma, Hillary, and I

 The four Scotland YAVs, Laura Kate, myself, Sam, and Amanda

 The four of us with Lynn, our site coordinator

 All the UK YAVs, Hillary, Laura Kate, Sam, myself, Amanda, Emma, Leif, and Mark

 Emma and I holding a lamb

 One of the many celtic cross statues on the island

 Myself, Sam, Emma, and Hillary

 Sam and I trying to explore in the rain and wind

 The first selfie with a sheep, many more came after this