A Faith Journey Questioned...

8 months today is a big milestone. Time has flown these last 8 months but it also means it is time for reflection on my time here, what I can do with the remaining time, and how I can grow more. Lately I have been thinking about my spiritual growth. God has been nudging me in my side for a few weeks now and I have been questioning a lot. 

It started with a small slight nudge by God during a conversation with my two friends Anna and Amanda, one whom would not call herself religious, and the other whom would recognize as a Christian. We had a discussion about religion, and guilt, and faith, and our different opinions about it. I respect these friendships so much because although we don't have the same opinions we all are willing to discuss it, learn from one another, and disagree but still love each other for being who we are and what we believe. Anyway, the small nudges started with that conversation and grew stronger with an unsettling questioning feeling about my own faith and beliefs. 

It then grew stronger with a realization that although I am volunteering for a church and living a year in an intentional Christian household, and supposedly growing stronger in my faith, it isn't easy. Over the last few months my relationship with God has felt extremely distant and strained. I don't pray as much as I used to, and although I go to church twice a weekend, once to the presbyterian church I work at, and once to Mass, I am not really listening and am not growing stronger in my faith. So tonight in Mass when the priest talked about knowing your faith and being able to answer questions from people about your faith I realized I am not great at that. I am not confident in my faith and the ins and outs of the Catholic faith. If I want to call myself a Catholic I should be able to answer the simple and the difficult questions from people or at least be interested in researching the answers and get back to them. I think I have been using this year as an excuse to let my relationship with God slip away. 

Another slightly stronger nudge from God about my relationship with him has been through a book I have been reading called The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller; and if you have never read it I highly encourage everyone, religious or not, to read it. It has shaken my understanding of the gospel and of Christianity. I wish I could quote the whole book for you all here but that would be terribly long and you would probably stop reading so I will just share a few quotes that really hit home for me. 

The book talks about the "Prodigal Sons" parable and how there are two sons. Keller explains that both sons are lost and that both are loved by the father and he tells us that "everyone is dedicated to a project of self-salvation, to using God and others in order to get power and control for themselves. We are just going about it in different ways" (44). He also says "the gospel of Jesus is not religion or irreligion, morality or immorality, moralism or relativism, conservatism or liberalism. It says that everyone is wrong, everyone is loved, and everyone is called to recognize this and change. He also says the prerequisite for receiving God's grace is to know you need it" (45). 

These quotes illustrate to me that whether we are religious or not, the gospel is still the same; it is that everyone is loved and we just have to accept God's love. Unfortunately, many people don't hear that gospel because there are too many "elder brother" types in the church that are scaring the rest of the people away trying to fulfill that project of self-salvation. 

And the final nudge so far from God, which has been more of a shove in the side lately was a conversation I had at dinner on Friday with my minister Ian, 4 other Americans who currently go to Gorbals Parish Church, Noel a friend and mentor, and another minister that is friends with Ian. We were talking at dinner about how you find like minded people who are your community if you don't find them in the church. Sue, one of the Americans was asking because her and Jim's church was an important place where they found their community but I answered and said I was lucky but mine was through college. I was lucky to meet my best friends from college within the first two weeks of my freshman year. But we are all different. Some of us have a faith, most of us do not. But we are all amazing, loving people who want the same things for the world. We all want peace, and love, and equality. There are a lot of terrible people that would consider themselves Christian and there are just as many amazing people that are not affiliated with a religion but still have the same values as those that are religious. 

And so when I read this quote in the book I just smiled and was at peace. The quote said: "In his parable, Jesus deconstructs the religiosity that is one of the main problems with the world. In this parable Jesus says to us 'Would you please be open to the possibility that the gospel, real Christianity, is something very different from religion?" (69). I don't think it is coincidence that as I was thinking all these thoughts and questioning religion that God led me to read this book that lays it out so plainly. 

I have to make a confession that I have not finished the book but reading this and feeling those nudges from God has encouraged me to strengthen my relationship with him, to research and question my Catholic faith in order to make it stronger, and to always remember to live a life that Jesus would rather than what religion might tell me to. 

Blessings, 

Julie

A Visit from Home

The past two weeks I was fortunate enough to be visited by some of my best friends from home. I took two weeks off of working, while the schools had their holidays, and got to travel around the UK, and Ireland. It was such a blessing. Everything with my placement has been pretty busy with Easter and there haven't been many breaks so it was really nice to be able to take a break. I was feeling exhausted and having my friends come was the perfect solution.

We visited Liverpool England, Cardiff Wales, and Dublin Ireland. Each place we went we learned new things about the culture, and met some very interesting people. My favorite place was Cardiff and I hope to see more of Wales in the future because I think it is an underrated gem. One thing I realized when my friends came is that I have matured and grown a lot this year. As we all talked and caught up I realized I wasn't the only one that has changed and grown. Living a post grad life is challenging. You go through transitions no matter if you are 5,000 miles away from your friends in  a new city, or still living in the city you went to school in. But this transitioning has been good for all of us. We are still just as good of friends and although I miss them like crazy, I know our friendships will last because they have lasted this long.

Seeing my friends again was very normal, comfortable, and familiar. But when I got back to Glasgow that also felt normal, comfortable, and familiar. I realized that it feels like I am living in two different realities. I feel like I have two separate lives. My life in the United States and my life here in Glasgow. In the US I was a student and here I am a volunteer. My challenge for next year and the rest of my life is going to be trying to connect these two realities. I have learned so much this year and have been touched by all the people I have met and all the experiences I have had and I don't want to forget any of it. I want my future to reflect the things that have changed about me and my new perceptions on the world.

I am afraid that when I return things will go back to how they were and I will get settled in the comfortable. Instead I want to take my experiences here and challenge myself to continue questioning the system and the injustices in the world around us. I want to be bold in my life decisions and make sure to always have passion in what I am doing rather than fall victim to the insecurities in my head telling me society would not approve.

One of the challenges I overcame this year was my own negative thoughts that what I was doing this year was going to set me back when I got home. I felt pressure to have this year be "just a year out of my life." Now having lived through 8 months of the year I do not believe that anymore. I want to embrace the changes, challenge the pressures, and come out stronger.

It was wonderful to have my friends visit, I was able to laugh like I haven't laughed in 8 months, reflect on my experiences over the last 8 months, share my life here with my friends, and I was able to have a break that allowed me to get back to working as a happier, well rested, and re-energized member of staff.

 Here are some pictures from the travels. Hope you all enjoy!

Blessings,
Julie

These first few are from the first weekend of April when my friend Sophie had just arrived and my dad came to visit for the weekend in between business trips. The three of us and my roommates Sam went around Loch Ness, Fort William, and Loch Lomand.

 The next few are when my friends Amanda and Anna arrived and all of us went to Liverpool. We visited a bunch of different sights that are famous due to the Beatles. 

The next ones are from our travels to Cardiff, Wales. We went to two different castles. The first was Caerphilly Castle, which is mostly ruins and the second was Cardiff Castle. 

The next ones are in Dublin Ireland, where our other past roommate Michelle met up with us. She is currently living in Italy teaching English for the year. We also were met in Dublin by my friend Shannon who is currently an aupair in Cork, Ireland. We went to the Guinness Factory and learned how to properly pour a Guinness. 

These are pictures from St. Patricks Cathedral in Dublin. My favorite Cathedral I have seen thus far. 

This was a picture at the traditional Irish music and dancing show we went to!

This was a wall in an alley I really liked; the theme was all about love.

This was an extremely rainy day in Howth, a city outside of Dublin that has beautiful cliffs. Too bad it was so rainy and windy we couldn't see much. 

Back in Glasgow, showing Anna and Amanda St. Mungos Cathedral. 

For the final weekend of the trip Anna, my roommate Sam, and I took a trip to the Isle of Arran. It was absolutely stunning. 

A Few Thoughts on Sectarianism

As most of you know I am Catholic, and when I decided to spend a year volunteering I wanted it to be with a Christian organization, but it did not matter to me if it was specifically Catholic. So here I am almost 7 months later volunteering for the Presbyterian Church USA. It never crossed my mind when applying that it would matter if I was Catholic or Protestant, and in the United States there are more fights over religion v. no religion rather than Catholic v. Protestant. But in Scotland and specifically Glasgow, it does matter.

These past 7 months have been filled with much learning on my part. I have learned more about the two main football (soccer) teams here in Glasgow. The Celtics which is associated with Irish Catholics and the Rangers which is associated with Protestants. I have learned about the different marches that happen related to the two religions, The Orange Order, and the Hibernian Marches. I have spent time at both a Protestant church and many Catholic churches and I have been working with an organization that works specifically with kids from primary schools to bridge the gap of sectarianism.

Throughout the year I have talked about Sectarianism and tried to understand what the big deal was. Being from the United States where no one cares what specific denomination of Christianity you are it is hard for me to comprehend why there is so much hate between the two denominations over here. It comes from a lot of history, back in the day when the Protestants were powerful they didn't like giving jobs to Catholics, and they formed a pure football team where only white, protestant players could join (the Rangers). So like any situation where people are excluded, the Celtics were formed to allow Irish Catholic players to play football. But now that is history and both teams accept all types of people. Yet still the feelings of hatred and bigotry exist and get passed down from generation to generation.

It has been really interesting learning about this extremely prevalent issue in Glasgow and I have been lucky to be able to go to different sectarian workshops and read some books. I recently read Divided City by Theresa Breslin which takes place in Glasgow. It is about two boys who play on the same city football club but go to different schools and support opposite teams. Graham is a Protestant Rangers fan and Joe is a Catholic Celtics fan. But the book also discusses the issue of prejudice, issues surrounding asylum seekers and it aims to show the divide amongst Glasgow thats still thriving today. The book is now required to be read by every primary seven (6th grade) student in Glasgow.

One of my favorite lines in the book is said by Graham's father. Graham's father and mother are discussing Joe and Graham's friendship. Graham's mother is worried because Joe is from a different area and she doesn't want Graham hanging out with the wrong crowd. Graham's father says: "Glasgow has some of the most deprived areas in Britain. I've worked in these places, I've seen what that sort of environment can do to self-esteem. People get desperate and angry. It can lead to violence. Deprivation and all that goes with it, is what really divides this city" (160).

These few sentences really stuck out to me. I see deprivation in the people I work with every day. I see their struggles shown on their bodies. And I agree with Theresa Breslin about all the issues and differences in this book. But I also agree with her when she writes about the city being united as a city. She relates it to the city football team Graham and Joe are both on. The coach says to them, "I want you to shake one another by the hand because you are a team. Put all personal differences aside. You are a city team. From all parts of the city" (229).

I think we can all take this message to heart. We will meet many people in our lives, whether through work, school, neighborhood, or friends, and we might have differences. We might not have the same political or religious views, we might parent our children differently, and we might even drink our tea differently but we are all still human and we all still have the right to respect. We all have the capacity to love and each of us also deserves to be loved. So during this holy week and this Easter season let us remember to respect and love the differences in everyone around us!

Blessings,
Julie

Here are some pictures of the play Divided City that I went to this evening at a primary school. Citizens Theater, which is a theater company in the Gorbals is doing a project with non-denominational schools and Catholic schools to perform Divided City. The kids did a wonderful job performing!

And here are some pictures of a cake making activity at Bridging the Gap when we were learning about sectarianism.

A Time to Think

I have been thinking for a while about how to write this blog post. It has been difficult because lately a lot of thoughts and feelings have been circulating my brain but I haven't been able to express them on paper in an eloquent manner, so here is an attempt.

Last week we went on our second retreat for the year. When you think of retreats you think of relaxing, spending time thinking about whatever you are on retreat for, possibly some prayer, and maybe learning about something new. Well all those things did happen and the thinking forced me to think about my year and how great it has been thus far, but also about the future and and how I only have 6 months left of my YAV year and what I am going to do these next 6 months.

I started thinking about the people I currently work with and how much I enjoy working with them. The Gorbals community has taught me so much about love, acceptance, kindness, the struggles of life and addiction, and poverty. I have learned that poverty looks different in every community you step into. I have learned that for a lot of people in this community, getting from day to day is a struggle due to depression, addiction, or a multitude of other reasons. Many people have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful to have met all of them because it has allowed me to take what they are going through, listen to them, and see how I can help them, even in the little ways. Sometimes it is just having a conversation with someone about their day and their likes and dislikes. Other times it is talking to someone about prayer and faith and encouraging them that they are worthy and loved.

I have enjoyed these conversations so much and hearing people's stories helps me to write my own. I am so grateful that I have been able to be here this year. I am so grateful for everyone that has been praying for me, that donated to me, and that continues to support me both from home and here in Scotland.

During this retreat Lydia, one of the YAV staff members from the office in Louisville, came and visited us and spent some time hearing about our placements and our time here. It was amazing to have her here to see what we have been doing, to help us talk about future plans, and to calm all our worries and answer all our questions. She has heard every story in the book, heard most complaints, and is very aware about looking at your community and seeing the deeper systematic issues. She allowed me to see my community differently than I have been seeing it these last 6 months and got me excited all over again about what I can do to help and to learn more about the systematic issues and how they affect everyone everyday.

So all in all even though this retreat caused a lot of scratching of heads, it was a much needed pause in the normal hectic schedule, to think, reflect, and get excited about my placement and the possibilities of the future!

Am I Doing Enough....

Two days ago I was walking back from Gorbals and I saw an ambulance pull up on the street. There are no buildings where the ambulance pulled up, there is only a park. I wondered who the ambulance was going to help since I didn't see any people but I continued walking and looked into the park. I saw a man face down on the dirt near a bench in the park. My stomach sunk and I had a sick feeling. I thought he was dead and I am still not sure if he is dead or alive but my heart ached for this man. There were no other people around. I am not sure how the ambulance even found him because no one was standing waiting or them to come and it was freezing out. I watched as the paramedics flipped the limp body onto a stretcher and took him back to the ambulance.

Then I continued walking home and saw another man lying on the street attempting to eat some hot chips (fries), but he was shaking and could barely eat them because it was so cold out. And I saw maybe three other homeless people begging for money on the street. That is five homeless cold people on my 40 min walk home. And I see people like this every day when I walk to work. It started to get me thinking about my value here in Glasgow.

It got me questioning if I am doing enough, am I helping the right people. I know I cannot help everyone and I love the community I work in. I love the mums and the toddlers and I see both the parents and kids grow each week in confidence and patience. I love all the volunteers I work with and I am so appreciative of Bridging the Gap and all the work they do. They change peoples lives and I am proud to be a part of that. But when I see the homeless on the street I feel like I am not doing enough.

In service today, Ian the minister talked about christian unity, but he also talked about unity in the world. He challenged us to think about how we can be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. We should all be lights shining and filling up a room rather than lights hidden under a table. He explained that peace isn't easy and that we don't have to agree about everything but we do have to figure out how to disagree peacefully. We need to remember to be humans that love each other. Because when we are truly human, when we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, our discomforts, and our disagreements, we come into contact with the spirit of God.

So thinking about doing more I want to first start to be more human. I want to dive into my work and my community even more than I have and be human with all the people I work with. I want to be patient with the people that frustrate me, and I want to encourage the less confident to shine their lights. Each and every person I work with has strengths and they are all important people. They don't always see it in themselves so I hope I can help them to see it. I also want to strive to talk to more homeless people and find out more ways to help them, other than just giving them money.

If you are asking yourself the same questions about your life, try to be more human. Try to love your enemies, try to push yourself outside your comfort zones, try to be vulnerable and see where it takes you. See if you can see the spirit of God working in your life and in our world as a whole. I will be trying it too and would love to hear all your thoughts. And finally, I pray for the man in the park and all the homeless. If he is alive I pray that he finds help, and heals. If he has passed I pray for his family and friends, that they are comforted and know that God is with them. And I pray for the homeless as a whole, that they find refuge, shelter, love, and acceptance.

Blessings,
Julie

Thoughts to Ponder about 2015...

That first day back to work or school everyone tends to ask how your christmas was or what exciting party did you attend for New Years and although I do not mind answering those questions, I sometimes wish folks would ask me what new thoughts I have in this new year. So I will be sharing some of the crazy thoughts that have been circulating my brain this past week. 

The New Year is a time for new beginnings, a time to wipe a clean slate and start fresh, but it is also a very important time to reflect back on the past year and all we have been through. As a society we tend to be constantly looking forward, worrying about what the next hour, day, year will hold for us. We are constantly planning, or attempting to plan the next steps in our future. We want the future to be more successful than the past, we want to be better in whatever area of our life we are trying to plan for. Unfortunately because of this constant pressure of the future, we forget about the past. We forget about how far we may have come in the last year, how much we may have accomplished. We worry about the challenges ahead rather than patting ourselves on the back for the challenges we managed to overcome. 

2015 was an amazing year! Looking back on my 2015 I started the year being a second semester senior. I applied to the YAV Program and was accepted and placed in Scotland, I visited my sister in Minnesota and got to see her life as a med student. I graduated University with a business degree, I had an amazing last few weeks in Oregon with my best friends. I had the amazing opportunity to travel around Europe for 3 weeks with one of my best friends Sophie, I spent time with my wonderful family, I moved to Scotland, started volunteering for the Church of Scotland and Gorbals Parish Church, I met many new people, struggled to understand a new accent, grew in my faith, learned about the Presbyterian domination of Christianity, made new friends, spent the holidays away from my family for the first time, and then rung in the New Year in London with my parents. It was a CRAZY year! And if I really think about it, it will probably be one of the best, most memorable, exciting years of my life. 

Being a YAV now for 4 months I am reflecting back on the program and my progress. I was stuck thinking about how I can challenge myself these next 7 months and put myself in situations that are out of my comfort zone  in order to push myself. I was struggling with the idea that I don't feel extremely challenged here in Glasgow and how I feel like I might be doing something wrong. I was focused on the negative and the criticisms we all tend to give to ourselves and others around us. What I didn't realize until talking with my flatmates and having my sister convince me is that maybe my challenges have been smaller ones and I am just better at overcoming them then I ever thought and I should relish these times. 

My sister encouraged me to go through and reflect back on my first 4 months and the challenges I did have, no matter how small, and think how I did get through them. While doing this I realized that I do not give myself enough credit. Sometimes we need to appreciate ourselves and acknowledge just how great we are. So this will be the one post where I am congratulating myself for the amazing person I have come to be. I am proud of who I am and the growth I have seen in myself over the last 4 months even if I needed other people to help me see that growth in myself. I have learned that I am more independent than I thought I was. I am more resilient and can adapt to change extremely easily. I also know what I need to be happy and if I am not happy, I change whatever needs to be changed so that I will be happy. 

I would encourage all of you to think back about your 2015, what challenges did you overcome? When you look back on 2015, rather than making a list for 2016 of what you can do better, write a list of the proud moments of 2015! Take a moment and pat yourself on the back, give yourself a round of applause, or take a moment and gloat to someone who cares about you. Tell them you are proud of yourself and then let them have the same moment about themselves with you! 

Then after you have praised yourself and the people around you that you care about, make a list of hopes for 2016! Here are my hopes and resolutions for the New Year. I hope by writing them down, I can look back next January and have fulfilled all if not most of them. 

My New Years Resolutions/Hopes:

• Visit 4 more countries this year
• Get a job I love
• Try praying a novena
• learn more about the Bible and the Catholic faith
• Run a 10k

Blessings, 

Julie

Preparing For Christmas

This blog post is inspired by my Grandma Weiner and the wonderful email she sent me yesterday. The email was just a friendly hello and her telling me she and my grandpa were thinking of me, as they always do, but she also asked about Christmas in Scotland and if there are different customs to prepare for Christmas. This got me thinking about all I have been doing this month and how it has been such a crazy three weeks. And how I can't believe Christmas is on Friday! I have been doing a lot to prepare for Christmas both at my placement and in our flat and at mass. So in this blog post I will be sharing how I have been preparing.

In traditional American customs our flat tried not to mention Christmas music or the holiday until December first, after Thanksgiving, but in Scotland Thanksgiving doesn't exist so Christmas festivals, lights, and all the stores had all their decorations up by November 20th, which we all thought was much too early. So on December 1st we decided it was time to put up a tree, play music, and of course take Christmas pictures in ugly Christmas sweaters!(which are actually really cute)

 Lights in the city and some silly Christmas Pics!

More lights in George Square and they also put up a huge ice rink in this square.

Although the decorations are all around town by November 20th Scottish people are very particular of when their tree is taken up or down. They have a tradition of keeping the tree up 12 days before and 12 days after Christmas. The Christmas carols are all very similar but they have a few of their own, for example, Fairytale of New York and Merry Christmas Everybody, and Mary's Boy Child, which I learned. But what I thought was more interesting was that some of the traditional church carols are sung with different tunes, such as Away in a Manger. Another interesting tradition which I thought was really nice is that everyone gives out Christmas cards to everyone, not necessarily the ones with pictures but just a nice card signed from the person.


Also this advent season the Gorbals Parish Church has been involved in Interfaith Scotland which means that the Church has been getting together with a Mosque and a Gurdwara nearby and have been doing different events. At one of the events I helped out with I got to show other people of other faiths how to make a Christingle. I had never heard of that before so when I signed up to volunteer I was sure to ask how do I make one of those and what does it mean. It is an old German Christian symbol and decoration for your house. It is made of an orange, a candle, some sweeties, a red ribbon, and cocktail sticks. Each piece symbolizes something different. The candle represents the world, the candle represents Christ's light and Christingle means Christ's light. The red ribbon goes around the orange and symbolizes Jesus' blood and how he died for us. The sweeties go on the cocktail sticks and are representative of the gifts God gives us and the cocktail sticks are then poked into the orange at 4 corners to represent either the four seasons or the four corners of the world. It was an interesting symbol to share and a lot of fun to make!

Also this year working in a church I have been encouraged to think about the season of Advent more than I ever have in my life. Yesterday at mass we were told that the fourth week of advent is the week of Joy. The Homily talked about being joyful about Christmas and how happy and special a time it is. I think the priest was correct but since I work with marginalized communities and am living away from my home and family it is hard to always be joyful at this time of year. 

Being on my own away from my family has made me much more aware of others that may be alone and how sad it is because everyone expects you to have all these grand plans and to be constantly surrounded by people. It is also really stressful living on a budget during Christmas. The culture is very heavily weighted towards spending money and buying presents and it can be stressful if you don't have money to spend. Another thing I have noticed that makes this season hard for people is for those suffering from addictions. Temptation is always around but during this time people are always offering you drinks at parties, bringing drinks or sweets as presents, and a lot of traditional Christmas drinks are alcoholic like eggnog and mulled wine. It can be hard for someone who constantly struggles each day to say no to that. 

So I congratulate all those with addictions who are staying strong, I give comfort and love to the lonely, and I pray for peace and a worry free mind for those struggling with money issues. Although the holidays can be hard they are also a time to rejoice and prepare for Jesus and the love of Jesus and to remember to love our neighbors, communities, strangers, and to give as much as we can in this holiday season. 

And finally, I also have been blessed to be able to attend/volunteer at Christmas parties and different Christmas events in the Gorbals community so here are some pictures of those.

 

Tea and carol singing with some of the elderly women at Gorbals

 

Pudsey the bear who is on TV in Scotland and the mascot for BBC Children in Need came to the Gorbals Children's Choir Christmas party! The man in the suit is my supervisor John. We had a good laugh struggling with the costume and not being knocked over by the children.

Pictures from Bridging The Gap's Christmas Party. The kids had a contest as to who could decorate the black paper and trees best. This is my teams great work. There is also a picture with one of the volunteers, John, in our awesome Christmas jumpers. And there is a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap, who is another volunteer, Mario, and all of Santa's helpers around him. And they are Kenny, Pamela, and Roz. 

Blessings, 

Julie