Homesickness Comes in Waves..

Homesickness comes when you most expect it, like when you live across the world from your family and friends and you are in a new place, or when you miss your favorite holidays. It can wash over you when you look at pictures, or listen to music, or watch a movie you used to watch with friends. It can come in the morning, the middle of the day, or right when you are going to bed. Everyone warned me that it would be difficult to be away from my loved ones but I never imagined how hard it would be to be so far away when illness and death comes your way and I never thought homesickness would come in the month of May, 3 months before returning home.

This week has been the most trying week emotionally. It has been filled with moments of triumph, joy, spirituality, sadness, hurt, and frustration, among many other emotions. This week my mom went into the hospital twice, one of my grandfathers fell and is on crutches, and my other grandfather passed away from Alzheimer's and Kidney Cancer. I can't even explain the feelings and thoughts running through my mind when I found out my mom was in the hospital. But the one clear thought was I wish I was there. I knew I couldn't do anything to help, and I knew nothing would be different if I was in California, but every ounce of me wanted to be with my family and know that my mom was ok. The same feelings and emotions came across me when I heard about my grandpa. I know he is in peace and he is watching over the family but every ounce of me wants to be home to be with my family at this hard time.

Luckily, I was in the best possible place to hear the worst possible news. This week I was on our final retreat for our program which took place on the tiny island of Iona. The small island is 4 miles long and about 1 mile wide but it is a beautiful island with sheep, cows, a 600meter hill, and beautiful beaches. It is a peaceful place home to the Iona Community, which is an ecumenical Christian community of men and women from different walks of life and different traditions in the Christian church committed to seeking new ways of living the gospel of Jesus in today's world. The Iona Community tries its best to fight for social justice issues as a part of a faith in action rather than just practicing a comfortable Sunday worship. The Iona community has a lot of aspects and practices that are very similar to the YAV program's ideals. On Wednesday evening we took part in a commitment service and this prayer that the Iona Community wrote really stuck out to me: 

Let us affirm our faith:

We believe that God is present

in the darkness before dawn

in the waiting and uncertainty

where fear and courage join hands

conflict and caring link arms

and the sun rises over barbed wire.

We believe in a with-us God

who sits down in our midst

to share our humanity.

We affirm a faith

that takes us beyond the safe place:

into action, into vulnerability

and into the streets.

We commit ourselves to work for change

and put ourselves on the line; 

to bear responsibility, take risks, 

live powerfully and face humiliation; 

to stand with those on the edge to choose life

and be used by the spirit

for Gods new community of hope.

Amen.

Throughout this week I was able to reflect on this past year; on all the growth, the accomplishments, and the things I have learned. I have also been able to think about the ways I want to continue to grow, the ways I can still contribute over the next 2 and a bit months, and my future passions and plans. I am so blessed to be in the YAV program, to have had this opportunity, and to have been able to go to Iona during this turbulent time. It gave me a space to think. The retreat allowed me to voice my homesickness to my other YAVs and to remind myself that we have all been there, that the homesickness has come at different times for all of us, but that we support each other through everything. 

I ask for prayers for my family during this time. I ask for prayers for my other YAV volunteers and the decisions we have ahead in the following months as we prepare to finish our volunteer year. 

Blessings, 

Julie

Here are some pictures from the retreat!

Incredible white sand beaches at one end of the island

Sam and I

Emma, one of the Belfast YAVs and I 

 Rockier, darker beaches on the other end of the island

 Amanda and Laura Kate looking out over the ocean

 Sam and I, again, waving to the paparazzi  

 Happened to get a picture at sunset, the cross is actually just some telephone wires

 Candles during the commitment service in the Iona Abbey

 Emma, Hillary, and I

 The four Scotland YAVs, Laura Kate, myself, Sam, and Amanda

 The four of us with Lynn, our site coordinator

 All the UK YAVs, Hillary, Laura Kate, Sam, myself, Amanda, Emma, Leif, and Mark

 Emma and I holding a lamb

 One of the many celtic cross statues on the island

 Myself, Sam, Emma, and Hillary

 Sam and I trying to explore in the rain and wind

 The first selfie with a sheep, many more came after this

A Faith Journey Questioned...

8 months today is a big milestone. Time has flown these last 8 months but it also means it is time for reflection on my time here, what I can do with the remaining time, and how I can grow more. Lately I have been thinking about my spiritual growth. God has been nudging me in my side for a few weeks now and I have been questioning a lot. 

It started with a small slight nudge by God during a conversation with my two friends Anna and Amanda, one whom would not call herself religious, and the other whom would recognize as a Christian. We had a discussion about religion, and guilt, and faith, and our different opinions about it. I respect these friendships so much because although we don't have the same opinions we all are willing to discuss it, learn from one another, and disagree but still love each other for being who we are and what we believe. Anyway, the small nudges started with that conversation and grew stronger with an unsettling questioning feeling about my own faith and beliefs. 

It then grew stronger with a realization that although I am volunteering for a church and living a year in an intentional Christian household, and supposedly growing stronger in my faith, it isn't easy. Over the last few months my relationship with God has felt extremely distant and strained. I don't pray as much as I used to, and although I go to church twice a weekend, once to the presbyterian church I work at, and once to Mass, I am not really listening and am not growing stronger in my faith. So tonight in Mass when the priest talked about knowing your faith and being able to answer questions from people about your faith I realized I am not great at that. I am not confident in my faith and the ins and outs of the Catholic faith. If I want to call myself a Catholic I should be able to answer the simple and the difficult questions from people or at least be interested in researching the answers and get back to them. I think I have been using this year as an excuse to let my relationship with God slip away. 

Another slightly stronger nudge from God about my relationship with him has been through a book I have been reading called The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller; and if you have never read it I highly encourage everyone, religious or not, to read it. It has shaken my understanding of the gospel and of Christianity. I wish I could quote the whole book for you all here but that would be terribly long and you would probably stop reading so I will just share a few quotes that really hit home for me. 

The book talks about the "Prodigal Sons" parable and how there are two sons. Keller explains that both sons are lost and that both are loved by the father and he tells us that "everyone is dedicated to a project of self-salvation, to using God and others in order to get power and control for themselves. We are just going about it in different ways" (44). He also says "the gospel of Jesus is not religion or irreligion, morality or immorality, moralism or relativism, conservatism or liberalism. It says that everyone is wrong, everyone is loved, and everyone is called to recognize this and change. He also says the prerequisite for receiving God's grace is to know you need it" (45). 

These quotes illustrate to me that whether we are religious or not, the gospel is still the same; it is that everyone is loved and we just have to accept God's love. Unfortunately, many people don't hear that gospel because there are too many "elder brother" types in the church that are scaring the rest of the people away trying to fulfill that project of self-salvation. 

And the final nudge so far from God, which has been more of a shove in the side lately was a conversation I had at dinner on Friday with my minister Ian, 4 other Americans who currently go to Gorbals Parish Church, Noel a friend and mentor, and another minister that is friends with Ian. We were talking at dinner about how you find like minded people who are your community if you don't find them in the church. Sue, one of the Americans was asking because her and Jim's church was an important place where they found their community but I answered and said I was lucky but mine was through college. I was lucky to meet my best friends from college within the first two weeks of my freshman year. But we are all different. Some of us have a faith, most of us do not. But we are all amazing, loving people who want the same things for the world. We all want peace, and love, and equality. There are a lot of terrible people that would consider themselves Christian and there are just as many amazing people that are not affiliated with a religion but still have the same values as those that are religious. 

And so when I read this quote in the book I just smiled and was at peace. The quote said: "In his parable, Jesus deconstructs the religiosity that is one of the main problems with the world. In this parable Jesus says to us 'Would you please be open to the possibility that the gospel, real Christianity, is something very different from religion?" (69). I don't think it is coincidence that as I was thinking all these thoughts and questioning religion that God led me to read this book that lays it out so plainly. 

I have to make a confession that I have not finished the book but reading this and feeling those nudges from God has encouraged me to strengthen my relationship with him, to research and question my Catholic faith in order to make it stronger, and to always remember to live a life that Jesus would rather than what religion might tell me to. 

Blessings, 

Julie

A Visit from Home

The past two weeks I was fortunate enough to be visited by some of my best friends from home. I took two weeks off of working, while the schools had their holidays, and got to travel around the UK, and Ireland. It was such a blessing. Everything with my placement has been pretty busy with Easter and there haven't been many breaks so it was really nice to be able to take a break. I was feeling exhausted and having my friends come was the perfect solution.

We visited Liverpool England, Cardiff Wales, and Dublin Ireland. Each place we went we learned new things about the culture, and met some very interesting people. My favorite place was Cardiff and I hope to see more of Wales in the future because I think it is an underrated gem. One thing I realized when my friends came is that I have matured and grown a lot this year. As we all talked and caught up I realized I wasn't the only one that has changed and grown. Living a post grad life is challenging. You go through transitions no matter if you are 5,000 miles away from your friends in  a new city, or still living in the city you went to school in. But this transitioning has been good for all of us. We are still just as good of friends and although I miss them like crazy, I know our friendships will last because they have lasted this long.

Seeing my friends again was very normal, comfortable, and familiar. But when I got back to Glasgow that also felt normal, comfortable, and familiar. I realized that it feels like I am living in two different realities. I feel like I have two separate lives. My life in the United States and my life here in Glasgow. In the US I was a student and here I am a volunteer. My challenge for next year and the rest of my life is going to be trying to connect these two realities. I have learned so much this year and have been touched by all the people I have met and all the experiences I have had and I don't want to forget any of it. I want my future to reflect the things that have changed about me and my new perceptions on the world.

I am afraid that when I return things will go back to how they were and I will get settled in the comfortable. Instead I want to take my experiences here and challenge myself to continue questioning the system and the injustices in the world around us. I want to be bold in my life decisions and make sure to always have passion in what I am doing rather than fall victim to the insecurities in my head telling me society would not approve.

One of the challenges I overcame this year was my own negative thoughts that what I was doing this year was going to set me back when I got home. I felt pressure to have this year be "just a year out of my life." Now having lived through 8 months of the year I do not believe that anymore. I want to embrace the changes, challenge the pressures, and come out stronger.

It was wonderful to have my friends visit, I was able to laugh like I haven't laughed in 8 months, reflect on my experiences over the last 8 months, share my life here with my friends, and I was able to have a break that allowed me to get back to working as a happier, well rested, and re-energized member of staff.

 Here are some pictures from the travels. Hope you all enjoy!

Blessings,
Julie

These first few are from the first weekend of April when my friend Sophie had just arrived and my dad came to visit for the weekend in between business trips. The three of us and my roommates Sam went around Loch Ness, Fort William, and Loch Lomand.

 The next few are when my friends Amanda and Anna arrived and all of us went to Liverpool. We visited a bunch of different sights that are famous due to the Beatles. 

The next ones are from our travels to Cardiff, Wales. We went to two different castles. The first was Caerphilly Castle, which is mostly ruins and the second was Cardiff Castle. 

The next ones are in Dublin Ireland, where our other past roommate Michelle met up with us. She is currently living in Italy teaching English for the year. We also were met in Dublin by my friend Shannon who is currently an aupair in Cork, Ireland. We went to the Guinness Factory and learned how to properly pour a Guinness. 

These are pictures from St. Patricks Cathedral in Dublin. My favorite Cathedral I have seen thus far. 

This was a picture at the traditional Irish music and dancing show we went to!

This was a wall in an alley I really liked; the theme was all about love.

This was an extremely rainy day in Howth, a city outside of Dublin that has beautiful cliffs. Too bad it was so rainy and windy we couldn't see much. 

Back in Glasgow, showing Anna and Amanda St. Mungos Cathedral. 

For the final weekend of the trip Anna, my roommate Sam, and I took a trip to the Isle of Arran. It was absolutely stunning. 

A Few Thoughts on Sectarianism

As most of you know I am Catholic, and when I decided to spend a year volunteering I wanted it to be with a Christian organization, but it did not matter to me if it was specifically Catholic. So here I am almost 7 months later volunteering for the Presbyterian Church USA. It never crossed my mind when applying that it would matter if I was Catholic or Protestant, and in the United States there are more fights over religion v. no religion rather than Catholic v. Protestant. But in Scotland and specifically Glasgow, it does matter.

These past 7 months have been filled with much learning on my part. I have learned more about the two main football (soccer) teams here in Glasgow. The Celtics which is associated with Irish Catholics and the Rangers which is associated with Protestants. I have learned about the different marches that happen related to the two religions, The Orange Order, and the Hibernian Marches. I have spent time at both a Protestant church and many Catholic churches and I have been working with an organization that works specifically with kids from primary schools to bridge the gap of sectarianism.

Throughout the year I have talked about Sectarianism and tried to understand what the big deal was. Being from the United States where no one cares what specific denomination of Christianity you are it is hard for me to comprehend why there is so much hate between the two denominations over here. It comes from a lot of history, back in the day when the Protestants were powerful they didn't like giving jobs to Catholics, and they formed a pure football team where only white, protestant players could join (the Rangers). So like any situation where people are excluded, the Celtics were formed to allow Irish Catholic players to play football. But now that is history and both teams accept all types of people. Yet still the feelings of hatred and bigotry exist and get passed down from generation to generation.

It has been really interesting learning about this extremely prevalent issue in Glasgow and I have been lucky to be able to go to different sectarian workshops and read some books. I recently read Divided City by Theresa Breslin which takes place in Glasgow. It is about two boys who play on the same city football club but go to different schools and support opposite teams. Graham is a Protestant Rangers fan and Joe is a Catholic Celtics fan. But the book also discusses the issue of prejudice, issues surrounding asylum seekers and it aims to show the divide amongst Glasgow thats still thriving today. The book is now required to be read by every primary seven (6th grade) student in Glasgow.

One of my favorite lines in the book is said by Graham's father. Graham's father and mother are discussing Joe and Graham's friendship. Graham's mother is worried because Joe is from a different area and she doesn't want Graham hanging out with the wrong crowd. Graham's father says: "Glasgow has some of the most deprived areas in Britain. I've worked in these places, I've seen what that sort of environment can do to self-esteem. People get desperate and angry. It can lead to violence. Deprivation and all that goes with it, is what really divides this city" (160).

These few sentences really stuck out to me. I see deprivation in the people I work with every day. I see their struggles shown on their bodies. And I agree with Theresa Breslin about all the issues and differences in this book. But I also agree with her when she writes about the city being united as a city. She relates it to the city football team Graham and Joe are both on. The coach says to them, "I want you to shake one another by the hand because you are a team. Put all personal differences aside. You are a city team. From all parts of the city" (229).

I think we can all take this message to heart. We will meet many people in our lives, whether through work, school, neighborhood, or friends, and we might have differences. We might not have the same political or religious views, we might parent our children differently, and we might even drink our tea differently but we are all still human and we all still have the right to respect. We all have the capacity to love and each of us also deserves to be loved. So during this holy week and this Easter season let us remember to respect and love the differences in everyone around us!

Blessings,
Julie

Here are some pictures of the play Divided City that I went to this evening at a primary school. Citizens Theater, which is a theater company in the Gorbals is doing a project with non-denominational schools and Catholic schools to perform Divided City. The kids did a wonderful job performing!

And here are some pictures of a cake making activity at Bridging the Gap when we were learning about sectarianism.

A Time to Think

I have been thinking for a while about how to write this blog post. It has been difficult because lately a lot of thoughts and feelings have been circulating my brain but I haven't been able to express them on paper in an eloquent manner, so here is an attempt.

Last week we went on our second retreat for the year. When you think of retreats you think of relaxing, spending time thinking about whatever you are on retreat for, possibly some prayer, and maybe learning about something new. Well all those things did happen and the thinking forced me to think about my year and how great it has been thus far, but also about the future and and how I only have 6 months left of my YAV year and what I am going to do these next 6 months.

I started thinking about the people I currently work with and how much I enjoy working with them. The Gorbals community has taught me so much about love, acceptance, kindness, the struggles of life and addiction, and poverty. I have learned that poverty looks different in every community you step into. I have learned that for a lot of people in this community, getting from day to day is a struggle due to depression, addiction, or a multitude of other reasons. Many people have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful to have met all of them because it has allowed me to take what they are going through, listen to them, and see how I can help them, even in the little ways. Sometimes it is just having a conversation with someone about their day and their likes and dislikes. Other times it is talking to someone about prayer and faith and encouraging them that they are worthy and loved.

I have enjoyed these conversations so much and hearing people's stories helps me to write my own. I am so grateful that I have been able to be here this year. I am so grateful for everyone that has been praying for me, that donated to me, and that continues to support me both from home and here in Scotland.

During this retreat Lydia, one of the YAV staff members from the office in Louisville, came and visited us and spent some time hearing about our placements and our time here. It was amazing to have her here to see what we have been doing, to help us talk about future plans, and to calm all our worries and answer all our questions. She has heard every story in the book, heard most complaints, and is very aware about looking at your community and seeing the deeper systematic issues. She allowed me to see my community differently than I have been seeing it these last 6 months and got me excited all over again about what I can do to help and to learn more about the systematic issues and how they affect everyone everyday.

So all in all even though this retreat caused a lot of scratching of heads, it was a much needed pause in the normal hectic schedule, to think, reflect, and get excited about my placement and the possibilities of the future!

Am I Doing Enough....

Two days ago I was walking back from Gorbals and I saw an ambulance pull up on the street. There are no buildings where the ambulance pulled up, there is only a park. I wondered who the ambulance was going to help since I didn't see any people but I continued walking and looked into the park. I saw a man face down on the dirt near a bench in the park. My stomach sunk and I had a sick feeling. I thought he was dead and I am still not sure if he is dead or alive but my heart ached for this man. There were no other people around. I am not sure how the ambulance even found him because no one was standing waiting or them to come and it was freezing out. I watched as the paramedics flipped the limp body onto a stretcher and took him back to the ambulance.

Then I continued walking home and saw another man lying on the street attempting to eat some hot chips (fries), but he was shaking and could barely eat them because it was so cold out. And I saw maybe three other homeless people begging for money on the street. That is five homeless cold people on my 40 min walk home. And I see people like this every day when I walk to work. It started to get me thinking about my value here in Glasgow.

It got me questioning if I am doing enough, am I helping the right people. I know I cannot help everyone and I love the community I work in. I love the mums and the toddlers and I see both the parents and kids grow each week in confidence and patience. I love all the volunteers I work with and I am so appreciative of Bridging the Gap and all the work they do. They change peoples lives and I am proud to be a part of that. But when I see the homeless on the street I feel like I am not doing enough.

In service today, Ian the minister talked about christian unity, but he also talked about unity in the world. He challenged us to think about how we can be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. We should all be lights shining and filling up a room rather than lights hidden under a table. He explained that peace isn't easy and that we don't have to agree about everything but we do have to figure out how to disagree peacefully. We need to remember to be humans that love each other. Because when we are truly human, when we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, our discomforts, and our disagreements, we come into contact with the spirit of God.

So thinking about doing more I want to first start to be more human. I want to dive into my work and my community even more than I have and be human with all the people I work with. I want to be patient with the people that frustrate me, and I want to encourage the less confident to shine their lights. Each and every person I work with has strengths and they are all important people. They don't always see it in themselves so I hope I can help them to see it. I also want to strive to talk to more homeless people and find out more ways to help them, other than just giving them money.

If you are asking yourself the same questions about your life, try to be more human. Try to love your enemies, try to push yourself outside your comfort zones, try to be vulnerable and see where it takes you. See if you can see the spirit of God working in your life and in our world as a whole. I will be trying it too and would love to hear all your thoughts. And finally, I pray for the man in the park and all the homeless. If he is alive I pray that he finds help, and heals. If he has passed I pray for his family and friends, that they are comforted and know that God is with them. And I pray for the homeless as a whole, that they find refuge, shelter, love, and acceptance.

Blessings,
Julie

Thoughts to Ponder about 2015...

That first day back to work or school everyone tends to ask how your christmas was or what exciting party did you attend for New Years and although I do not mind answering those questions, I sometimes wish folks would ask me what new thoughts I have in this new year. So I will be sharing some of the crazy thoughts that have been circulating my brain this past week. 

The New Year is a time for new beginnings, a time to wipe a clean slate and start fresh, but it is also a very important time to reflect back on the past year and all we have been through. As a society we tend to be constantly looking forward, worrying about what the next hour, day, year will hold for us. We are constantly planning, or attempting to plan the next steps in our future. We want the future to be more successful than the past, we want to be better in whatever area of our life we are trying to plan for. Unfortunately because of this constant pressure of the future, we forget about the past. We forget about how far we may have come in the last year, how much we may have accomplished. We worry about the challenges ahead rather than patting ourselves on the back for the challenges we managed to overcome. 

2015 was an amazing year! Looking back on my 2015 I started the year being a second semester senior. I applied to the YAV Program and was accepted and placed in Scotland, I visited my sister in Minnesota and got to see her life as a med student. I graduated University with a business degree, I had an amazing last few weeks in Oregon with my best friends. I had the amazing opportunity to travel around Europe for 3 weeks with one of my best friends Sophie, I spent time with my wonderful family, I moved to Scotland, started volunteering for the Church of Scotland and Gorbals Parish Church, I met many new people, struggled to understand a new accent, grew in my faith, learned about the Presbyterian domination of Christianity, made new friends, spent the holidays away from my family for the first time, and then rung in the New Year in London with my parents. It was a CRAZY year! And if I really think about it, it will probably be one of the best, most memorable, exciting years of my life. 

Being a YAV now for 4 months I am reflecting back on the program and my progress. I was stuck thinking about how I can challenge myself these next 7 months and put myself in situations that are out of my comfort zone  in order to push myself. I was struggling with the idea that I don't feel extremely challenged here in Glasgow and how I feel like I might be doing something wrong. I was focused on the negative and the criticisms we all tend to give to ourselves and others around us. What I didn't realize until talking with my flatmates and having my sister convince me is that maybe my challenges have been smaller ones and I am just better at overcoming them then I ever thought and I should relish these times. 

My sister encouraged me to go through and reflect back on my first 4 months and the challenges I did have, no matter how small, and think how I did get through them. While doing this I realized that I do not give myself enough credit. Sometimes we need to appreciate ourselves and acknowledge just how great we are. So this will be the one post where I am congratulating myself for the amazing person I have come to be. I am proud of who I am and the growth I have seen in myself over the last 4 months even if I needed other people to help me see that growth in myself. I have learned that I am more independent than I thought I was. I am more resilient and can adapt to change extremely easily. I also know what I need to be happy and if I am not happy, I change whatever needs to be changed so that I will be happy. 

I would encourage all of you to think back about your 2015, what challenges did you overcome? When you look back on 2015, rather than making a list for 2016 of what you can do better, write a list of the proud moments of 2015! Take a moment and pat yourself on the back, give yourself a round of applause, or take a moment and gloat to someone who cares about you. Tell them you are proud of yourself and then let them have the same moment about themselves with you! 

Then after you have praised yourself and the people around you that you care about, make a list of hopes for 2016! Here are my hopes and resolutions for the New Year. I hope by writing them down, I can look back next January and have fulfilled all if not most of them. 

My New Years Resolutions/Hopes:

• Visit 4 more countries this year
• Get a job I love
• Try praying a novena
• learn more about the Bible and the Catholic faith
• Run a 10k

Blessings, 

Julie